It comes back, again.

It comes back, again. As usual. At the same time. Expected the unexpected? Do I feel different? Actually, do I need it? More than anything else? Am I dependent? Afraid of losing it again? Too anxious or too afraid?

Too many questions. Has been here for sometime now. Do I forget? Enjoy its arrival, celebrate or just keep sulking?

For a better part of the journey, so far, I have been like this. Guess I do not enjoy happiness as much as I hate pain. Rigid? Selfish? Or just tormented? Absolutely I am.

‘it’ brings new energy, always, every time, without fail. To reborn a new hope, a new joy, a new leisure. One thing, I was always afraid of, never admitted it though, never gave a damn about it either, can’t hide anymore? It’s just that I am getting tired. Of what? I don’t know. Just that I am not doing the things the way I used to. Nothing interests me anymore.

Believing something which doesn’t exist leads you to it. I don’t want to believe it. Can’t ignore anymore though.

Change, do I need anymore. Hadn’t I had enough of it? Will that help? I am too afraid to try it or am I not?

Hoping against the hope. I hope I win. This race, with myself. Winning for myself. Losing for myself. This journey, another part of it, so blissful.