It comes back, again. As usual. At the same time. Expected the unexpected? Do I feel different? Actually, do I need it? More than anything else? Am I dependent? Afraid of losing it again? Too anxious or too afraid?
Too many questions. Has been here for sometime now. Do I forget? Enjoy its arrival, celebrate or just keep sulking?
For a better part of the journey, so far, I have been like this. Guess I do not enjoy happiness as much as I hate pain. Rigid? Selfish? Or just tormented? Absolutely I am.
‘it’ brings new energy, always, every time, without fail. To reborn a new hope, a new joy, a new leisure. One thing, I was always afraid of, never admitted it though, never gave a damn about it either, can’t hide anymore? It’s just that I am getting tired. Of what? I don’t know. Just that I am not doing the things the way I used to. Nothing interests me anymore.
Believing something which doesn’t exist leads you to it. I don’t want to believe it. Can’t ignore anymore though.
Change, do I need anymore. Hadn’t I had enough of it? Will that help? I am too afraid to try it or am I not?
Hoping against the hope. I hope I win. This race, with myself. Winning for myself. Losing for myself. This journey, another part of it, so blissful.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Journey has to continue ...
Life itself is an irony. Was contended being there in the nature’s lap. Had a decent job with a decent pay package. Good food, good drinks & manageable work. Did I need anything more? Nowhere I go, family & close ones can come along; alas. Who chose this path? Who do I ask for change? Carrying on with that routine job was not enough for me, or so I thought.
The change, I brought myself. Relocated to the Maximum City, with being admitted to a top-notch B-School, having an opportunity to change the way I live and grow further in life, nothing more I could ask for.
The city, for all the reasons in the world, is the maximum in true senses. I did spend my childhood & early part of professional life with a trip every now & then to my favorite city, my own Dilli. Did I compare these two great places? Honestly, I always did.
Even with so much of congestion, inflation and ever-increasing pollution; I experienced the most professional way of handling things here. Be it a chief executive or a wada-pao seller, the response remains the same. With so much diversity in religion & culture, you could find people from all over India in here; or maybe from all major countries of the world. Not on a recreational safari, but to live a dream, to fulfill desires, to earn a livelihood, and to perish.
The current issue. Is language a facilitator or a barrier? There exist more languages than cities in India. Do I need to learn all? Agreed that it was me who chose this path consisting of shifting places every now & then. Is that a crime? No offence meant to any regional language, but can’t there be a universal or Indian language of communication. It’s everybody’s right to express what he wants to, by any means of communication, in an understandable language. Did I?
Not in daily routine, but I believe it should be an option for official purposes. The day I signed on that piece of paper known as FIR, was I afraid or feeling safe? The incident was an unforeseen & unpleasant one, good for us that there was no physical harm. Could have done anything better? I have no idea. We did what I think what we should have done, being part of an ordinary citizen class, being afraid of doing something else. I wonder were we afraid or brave?
Agreed that the protectors treated us well, assured & comforted the way they could best. The only barrier remained: the language. I rest my case with being somewhat discontent. With the language n with the city, the Maximum one.
Still I am hopeful. As some wiseman said, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of the things, and no good thing ever dies."
Hope this doesn't die within me, this hope.
What would it take though?
The change, I brought myself. Relocated to the Maximum City, with being admitted to a top-notch B-School, having an opportunity to change the way I live and grow further in life, nothing more I could ask for.
The city, for all the reasons in the world, is the maximum in true senses. I did spend my childhood & early part of professional life with a trip every now & then to my favorite city, my own Dilli. Did I compare these two great places? Honestly, I always did.
Even with so much of congestion, inflation and ever-increasing pollution; I experienced the most professional way of handling things here. Be it a chief executive or a wada-pao seller, the response remains the same. With so much diversity in religion & culture, you could find people from all over India in here; or maybe from all major countries of the world. Not on a recreational safari, but to live a dream, to fulfill desires, to earn a livelihood, and to perish.
The current issue. Is language a facilitator or a barrier? There exist more languages than cities in India. Do I need to learn all? Agreed that it was me who chose this path consisting of shifting places every now & then. Is that a crime? No offence meant to any regional language, but can’t there be a universal or Indian language of communication. It’s everybody’s right to express what he wants to, by any means of communication, in an understandable language. Did I?
Not in daily routine, but I believe it should be an option for official purposes. The day I signed on that piece of paper known as FIR, was I afraid or feeling safe? The incident was an unforeseen & unpleasant one, good for us that there was no physical harm. Could have done anything better? I have no idea. We did what I think what we should have done, being part of an ordinary citizen class, being afraid of doing something else. I wonder were we afraid or brave?
Agreed that the protectors treated us well, assured & comforted the way they could best. The only barrier remained: the language. I rest my case with being somewhat discontent. With the language n with the city, the Maximum one.
Still I am hopeful. As some wiseman said, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of the things, and no good thing ever dies."
Hope this doesn't die within me, this hope.
What would it take though?
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